Reactions and should I be married?

It's been incredibly interesting to hear people's reactions to my Peace Corps news. I've classified them into a couple of groupings:

1. The incredibly ecstatic, "this is going to be an amazing experience and I can't wait to visit you"
2. The "oh wow, Peace Corps, that's pretty cool" but in their head they're wondering why the hell I'd live in a developing country for two years but do mention that they've heard there's a lot of violence and be careful
   
3. The more blatant "so why are you going to do that?"

So to all of those in the 1 category...thanks for being excited with me!!

For those in category 2...I understand it's confusing and thanks for being open to trying to comprehend how incredibly awesome this next step is going to be. Every time I've been abroad it's been an incredibly amazing experience that truly impacts my life and how I see the world, this is just my way of exploring myself, this crazy thing called life, and new people! Also, yes I've heard there's violence in Guatemala, just like there's violence in every country in the world! I understand it's next to Mexico which is going through a lot right now, I also understand that Guatemala's civil war still has a lasting influence and the criminal justice system isn't fully developed. But I'm hoping with some common sense and a mindful eye on what I'm doing, how I'm acting, etc, I should be out of harm's way. I could get shot walking down the street in Durham just like I could get shot walking down the street in Guatemala. People fear the unknown, and unfortunately Latin America and Africa have a history of instability and violence but that does not mean that everywhere you go in those continents are war zones!

And for those in Category 3, I've developed a list of perfectly rational reasons for doing this: helps me advance in my job to work in an international setting, great network of people, and discounts on future education. (But I'm going to be honest, those three reasons may be what I'm telling you out loud, but are not the driving forces behind this decision).

Changing topics, one person suggested I wear a wedding band while I'm there. I'm seriously considering this and wondering if anyone has suggestions or thoughts. I have to admit that I'm concerned about men and unwanted/inappropriate behavior. I experienced this while in Tanzania and it still upsets me. I hate how some men try to cross lines even in a professional setting without any sort of flirtation or interest expressed on my part. This can happen in the States, but seems to especially be an issue when I'm traveling abroad. Not trying to sound like a victim, it just gets annoying. So any thoughts?

Passport awesomeness

I feel as though I'm in a pre training process of what is to come. I've had a horrible stomach bug for the past two days of which the source I cannot say and I had some fun with bureaucratic red tape yesterday!

So I'm traveling outside of the country in between now and staging which means that I have to fill out a DS-11 form which is essentially applying for a new passport. It took me a couple weeks to even make it to the passport office and so I'm already nervous about the passport getting on time. Then I get to the passport office, inform her that I need her to fill out a couple of things and witness my signature to which she replies "you need an appointment for that". Okay, great, how do I schedule one? She then informs me the next available appt is July 12th. What!? Definitely gonna miss the deadline if I wait until then plus I'm going to be in Canada.

So I notice that a clerk of court can also witness my signature. I ask the Post Office, where I can find a clerk of court and they say hmm you need a notary, just go to the law offices next door. A little skeptical of the notary thing because I feel like if I just needed any bank or something to notarize the passport signature it would have said that in the instructions. But in the interest of time and only having so much time during a lunch break, I go next door. I then tell her the clerk of court deal to which she says yea I notary. Fine, whatever you say. So I sign, she notarizes and then says, wait...I think this is wrong. You need a passport agent to do this.

So back to the Passport agent. Anyway point of the story is that it's very back and forth. Finally convinced her that I am in fact not trying to magically have two passports at once, that one is for government travel and the other for personal use, to which she obliges and signs everything. I had to fill out another passport app by hand which I'm hoping is okay and I didn't screw anything up.

Keepin my fingers crossed! Anyway, I feel like this was a reminder...hey things don't go as planned, but just try to have a good laugh about it at the end of the day.

Sooo for those of you who have questions about getting your passport...feel free to ask me because I have now become an expert!

How do you pack for 2 years!?

I know there's a packing list (got a kick out of the palm pilot recommendation...really a palm pilot?). But how in the hell does one pack for two years?

My gut says pack light. Everything I'll need can be bought over there...I think?

Do I take my ipod or is that just going to get stolen? My radio? Two bags or just one?

One other thing that slightly bothers me are those teva sandal things (see right). I don't know why but there's something about em that makes me want to avoid them. Teva flip flops are great, super comfy but the ones with the straps...chacos? I know they're useful, and I'm not judging anyone who has them, I have many a friend who wear those on the daily...buuuuut they just scream "I'm not from around here!" Regardless of how hard I'll try to blend in, I'm going to stand out like a sore thumb down there but I bet these are a dead give away...so I'm trying to find an alternative. How about a standard flip flop? Who knows, I could totally be eating my words in a couple months and join the band wagon. Perhaps there are some PCVers that can attest to how incredibly handy these shoes are and help me cross over to Chaco world.

Anyway, in my mind I'm thinking, whatever fits in my pack goes and whatever doesn't will stay.

It's crazy to sift through all the things you think you "need". When it all boils down, I guess the only real essentials are shirts, pants, undies some sort of shoe and a toothbrush.

Speaking Out Loud

I'm still in disbelief. I don't think it's hit me yet that I'm going to Guatemala in two months!! Even when I say it out loud to people it still hasn't sunk in. Yesterday was the official day of letting everyone know. The hardest thing was telling work. I've never quit a job before (I hate that word quitting...it's not like I suddenly got fet up. I'm just moving on). You never think about it but how in the world do you quit your job? Especially at a small company? It's so awkward! Hi boss ps I'm leaving. Maybe I just hate confrontation that much that only I think it's awkward. Either way, my boss came into my office and gave me a big hug and said she's sad but also so happy for me. That's the perfect response! It reminded of why I got so excited when I joined my company in the first place. My boss (who is a woman and founder of the company, hell yea!) has done some really cool traveling (climbed Kili!) and I think also shares my interest in travel (or at least we share a love for Tanzania).

I think it took me a while to send the email. I wrote it. Deleted it. Wrote it. Got up to just tell her in person. Wrote it. Sent a draft to my boyfriend and some friends. Almost clicked send. Waited. Then FINALLY clicked send and held my breath for a moment.

Then on to the parents...except my mom found out before I even told her! It's all my fault (sorry mom!) because I was waiting to tell my parents until after my sister's graduation.

Then the last thing to make it official...Facebook. Oh yes you know it's true...nothing's official until you post it on Facebook haha

But anyway, just a disclaimer to everyone. If I randomly break out in tears it's because I'm really happy but also sad to say goodbye and any little thing will trigger that thought. Just gotta keep remembering that's it's not a goodbye but an hasta luego! :)

It's Official!!

So it's official! Sent the email!

Yeaaaaaaaa!!!!

Congratulations! You will be in...

Guatemala! The past 24 hours have been a whirlwind of emotions. I anxiously awaited driving straight to my mailbox after work yesterday only to find that there wasn't anything relating to the PC. Dismayed, I walked to my apartment and there it was lying in front of my door, this beautiful packet that encompassed by potential future. I, of course, ripped it open and frantically looked for a country name. Guatemala, awesome! That's exactly what I expected thanks to the Peace Corps Wiki Timeline

So then on to the next question...what in the world would I be doing!? "Municipal Development Advisor" (honestly a bit surprised, I thought it would say NGO development) So what does that mean:
"the focus...is to strengthen activities of the Municipal Planning Office and/or Municipal Women's Office in each municipality and to increase citizen participation in local development" So community development, I can dig it. Something new which is amazing and lends me the opportunity to be exposed to new things and actually gain some interesting hard skills (I think).

As I continued to read and get excited something hit me like a sack o' potatoes..."you will be working in a RURAL setting and living in a town of 1,000 to 10,000 people". Whoa. To gauge what this means...1,000 people is less than the number of people who went to my high school. Now, obviously I knew that most of Guatemala is rural and I definitely wasn't expecting, nor did I want, to be in a city. But there is a HUGE difference between 1,000 and 10,000 and to be perfectly honest I was hoping for mid size. Maybe b/c I view Moshi, TZ as the perfect size, developed enough to have various restaurants and entrepreneurial activity but also very homey and small town feel (Moshi's estimated pop is around 15,000). I felt incredibly uncomfortable in Arusha and would not want to be in that kind of setting.

So for some reason I felt a little down. I thought I would be jumping up and down with excitement! I thought I would instantly know, feel and think "yes this is right". But instead I was flooded with doubt. I was stressed, had more questions than answers, and then I invited my boyfriend over who happened to point out all the negatives "whoa you may not even have running water!" or "how would it be like being a woman in such a conservative country?". He definitely apologized for this after the fact and realized that he needed to also point out the positives. I spoke with a friend who is an RPCV and she reassured that it's just the initial invitation shock, and also reminded me that if you're looking for something with a concrete set of expectations and outcomes...Peace Corps is not for you. That is so true. In my anxiety of trying to piece together my future...I forgot what this is all about! The Adventure! To learn new things, to be comfortable with the fact that I won't know everything, that I can't micromanage the situation, I either have to go for it or not but I'll never know all the details! This is a beautiful amazing experience and that's part of the learning process.

About a year ago I had randomly emailed a PCV who happened to be in Guatemala and he said "the best advice I received is to go in with no expectations"

In essence...JUMP!!!

I'll let you know where I land :)

Love in the time of Peace Corps

I’m officially starting a blog. Any day now I should receive my invitation from Peace Corps and I can finally make a decision as to if I will accept. The application journey has been an interesting one seeing how a lot happens to an individual during a year. I recall how I once felt in August when I first submitted my application. I had been at my current job for about a year and despite being grateful for the experience and level of comfort it provided me, I wanted more. The bright-eyed college senior that I once was at Duke University suddenly transformed into a nine to sixer. Yuck.

I spent four years developing deep passions for global health, social entrepreneurship, community activism, and where does all that energy go? Sitting in an office in front of a computer. That just doesn't add up to me. During my junior year, one of my amazing friends and I created a project called "Pathways to Success" to inspire students to choose alternative pathways and redefine their perceptions of "success". It's been a hard pill for me to swallow that after all that preaching about creating your own path, I suddenly gave that up. Perhaps I'm being a bit dramatic, but I do feel as though America's talented youth is not being challenged and living up to its maximum potential. Corporate America is not set up to fully take advantage of what us young 20 somethings can bring to the table (granted we typically have zero hard skills or work experience BUT we are a generation of driven, passionate, creative and socially conscious individuals! We're fine with hard work, that's why we busted our asses off in school for the past 20+ years, it just has to be something we believe in.)

So here I am again. At a crossroads where I once again feel as though I face the traditional vs. the adventure.

The traditional: I love my life right now, I have an amazing support system with fantastic friends who are equally as socially driven as I am, have a vibrancy for life and meeting new people in addition to an equally amazing boyfriend and the love and support of my family who live nearby. My current job is at a consulting firm in an industry that I do care about(health) and I thoroughly enjoy the exposure to business concepts as it relates to our health care system. So I can happily stay here, save my money and apply to school in the fall to receive a MSPH/MBA joint degree (probably from Carolina...oh yes, even this Dukie has to recognize the amazingness of Carolina's public health program). So with this traditional route I would essentially be choosing love. Love for my comfortable life and love for the wonderful people that I have the privilege of spending my time with on a daily basis.

The adventure: Decide to embark upon a journey very foreign to me by committing 27+ months to the Peace Corps in Latin America working on non profit (NGO) development. This is the unknown which is this intriguing blend of beauty, opportunity, excitement and fear. I can't really say what to expect with the exception that I know it will be life changing and an incredible learning experience. I can try to predict worst case or best case scenarios but in reality I'm sure each day will present itself with unique challenges that will vary from horrible to incredible.

Everyone says "deep down you know what to do". It sounds cliche but it's true...deep down I know. But how do you say goodbye to love?